Friends of Ellis 

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You gotta do your homework before you can go play with your friends

When you are at an event and you see a couple you are interested in, go talk to them.  Always approach with respect. Don’t be pushy. Remember to stay away from the “resume”.  Talk about the what not the who. Use your elevator pitch!! Be honest. Remember that if they say no, or ask for a minute to discuss, this is not a rejection.  Don’t take it personally. Be mature in all interactions that you have. Treat others how you would want to be treated. The same rules apply if you are telling someone no.  Say it kindly. There is no reason to be rude.

Swingers Checklist

Things to discuss beforehand

□ Rules and Boundaries discussed and understood.

□ Realistic expectations set for the event.

□ Event goal set.

□ Contraceptives

□ Elevator Pitch ready

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For the party

□ Snacks

□ Water / Drinks

□ Safe travel to and from event

□ Contracetptives

□ Dressed to impress

□ Smell good

□ Lube

□ Overnight accomodations

□ Sex Toys

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Rules before you go

Things to discuss beforehand

Elevator Pitch

  • 30 sec - 1 min 

  • Verbal version of the “About You” section on a swingers site.

  • Elements - 

    • Your Names

    • Your condensed lifestyle profile: 

    • Interests

    • Goals

    • Limits

    • Your offer

  • Hello, We are John and Tiffany. We are married swingers. She is Bi and he is straight. We are looking for same room play up to full swap, we only play together, never separate. We are easy going and pretty tame. We only play with others when fully protected, some say we like to play “Doctor” because there is so much latex in the room. We are normally very introverted and have a difficult time asking a couple to a private room. We are looking for a couple that is committed to each other that is easy going and full of laughter.. So we say we are looking for Friends with Benefits that might want to play tonight.. You two look fun an we might click. What are you two looking for?

Do you need help writing yours? We have prepared a document to assist you. We have even seen people take these to our Meet and Greets and fill them out with other couples. It's great to place on the door at a Hotel Takeover.

Friends of Ellis Elevator Pitch - Swinglist

STD's

Talk with your partner on how you two will respond to if a couple tells you that at one time they had HPV, Herpes, or other STI. If they are not contagious, will you two still play as long as you use condoms, trust dams, gloves, etc?

Getting ready for the party, how do we prepare?

What to wear?

  • Wherever you go, dress nice and appropriately. You don't have to wear a tux and a dress, but wear something that will get the attention of potential new friends. Think of it like a school dance. Ladies, the sexier you dress, the better. Don't worry about it being "Too revealing".

  • Clubs: Look on the website for a dress code. Is there a theme? Something special that night? You don't want to be the only one not participating.

​https://www.saratoga.com/

Source: https://www.saratoga.com/

How should I smell?

  • Clean! Cologne and BO are not attractive. Wear deodorant, (Bring some if you think you need to to apply later).

  • Ensure your breath is fresh, brush your teeth, keep some breath fresheners in you pocket. 

​What else do I bring?

Everything you need to have a good time. No drugs or weapons. Make sure you have:

  • Cash

  • Condoms

  • Trust Dams

  • Lube

  • Sex Toys

  • Appropriate clothing for the weather. i.e. Jacket if it's cold out.

  • Wet Wipes for freshening up before and after play. They make clean up quick and easy

​What about Alcohol?

It depends on the place. If it's a big fancy club, they probably sell booze for a pretty penny. Get prepared to pay for that. Smaller venues and house parties don't have a liquor licence so it's a BYOB.

​What happens at an event?

  • What do you want to do there? Are BOTH of you OK with going?

  • Are you OK with what you may:

    • See

    • Touch

    • Do 

    • Experience

  • ​Ensure you’re clear in your communication

  • It’s always a great idea to have a safe word, 

    • A look, a touch, etc to let your spouse know if you are uncomfortable or having fun.

​Jealousy

  • Jealousy is going to happen.

  • Be sure you and your spouse have a plan on how to handle it. 

  • Never cause a scene. Discuss how you two will let the other become aware of your feeling and how you will proceed. Be civilized, be an adult!

  • Communication is Lubrication. Think about it, the more you talk to each other, the more closer you become and the more fun you can have.

​Drama

  • My wife and I go to events to have fun and fool around with other couples. If I have to put up with drama, it’s gonna kill the vibe.

Rules vs Boundaries

Personal Rules

It seems like the world runs on rules. My wife and I used to talk hours upon hours talking about what we were OK with and not OK with when we at a party, when we in the moment, etc... We would set up an entire party in our heads even before we go there. Sometimes once we were there, a curve-ball would be thrown and it didn't fit in our previously discussed scenario. We weren't sure exactly what the other was thinking and we weren't sure how to proceed. 

Listening to a podcast we heard of a new way of thinking. Instead of having a hard set RULE FOR EVERYTHING. We had rules, and we had boundaries. 

  • Rule - No flexing. Never break it. Think of it like a Hard Rule

  • Boundary - Some flex. Think of it like a soft boundary

​For example, you and your partner have softswaped with another couple previously. On the way to a house party, you two decide to make it a rule not to fullswap that night. While there, you meet a couple and end up in a room all naked. They want to fullswap with you two. What do you do? Be honest and tell them your rule. They will understand, If they don’t, and push the situation, That’s sexual assault and a different topic. 

What if on the way to the house party, you and your spouse said that fullswap was a boundary.  Could you full swap then? Of course you can. That’s a boundary. Boundaries offer “Flexibility”., 

Never change a rule in the moment. You can change a boundary as long as you both agree it can be changed, and you agree to the changes. 

Communication is lubrication. Talk with your partner often! Before an experience, and after.

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