THE SWINGLIST
Figure out what you're looking for before somebody asks.
"So... what are you two looking for?"
The Swinglist is a simple conversation and self-reflection tool designed to help you and your partner figure out that answer together.
The Swinglist gives you prompts to talk through interests, preferences, boundaries and the kinds of connections you're hoping to find.
You don't have to agree on everything immediately.
The point is to start talking.
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01
WHY ARE WE HERE?Maybe you're mostly social. Maybe you're exploring. Maybe you're looking for play. Maybe you're still figuring that out. Knowing your own intention helps. |
02
WHAT INTERESTS US?The Swinglist gives you a framework for talking about the types of experiences and connections that interest you. |
03
WHAT ARE OUR BOUNDARIES?Knowing what isn't currently comfortable can be just as useful as knowing what sounds exciting. |
It does not obligate you to do anything.
You can change your mind. Your partner can change their mind. Another person can change their mind.
Something that sounds exciting while you're talking about it at home may feel completely different when the opportunity is actually in front of you.
Current consent always matters more than a box you checked earlier.
1. GO THROUGH IT TOGETHER.
Pick a relaxed time when neither of you is trying to make something happen that night.
2. TALK ABOUT THE ANSWERS.
The useful part isn't the checkmark. It's why you checked it.
What sounds exciting? What makes you nervous? What needs more discussion?
3. FIND THE OVERLAP.
You don't need identical interests. Look for the things you both genuinely feel good about exploring.
4. TURN IT INTO NORMAL HUMAN LANGUAGE.
Eventually you should be able to explain yourselves without pulling out a worksheet.
That's where your Lifestyle "elevator pitch" starts taking shape.
5. REVISIT IT LATER.
Experience changes people. Something that was a hard no may become interesting. Something that sounded exciting may turn out not to be your thing.
That's normal.
When another couple asks what you're looking for, you should eventually be able to answer comfortably without looking at your partner and hoping they go first.
The Swinglist helps you find the words before you need them.
Then go meet some people.
